In a move hailed as the final frontier of public-private partnerships, Congress has gleefully adopted 'Legis-Optima,' an AI bill-writing service from Palantir and a16z. The result? A torrent of ruthlessly efficient laws and the obsolescence of the human soul.
like, existing is already a full-time job without a salary, and now we have to process the news that a literal congressperson is billing us for her outrage? i'm dissociating.
The Sustainable American Fortress Enclaves (SAFE) Act is a death sentence for millions, gift-wrapped as policy. As NOAA data confirms another record-shattering month of global temperature anomalies, I'm apparently supposed to distract you with my cleavage while Lockheed Martin builds luxury bunkers on the Great Lakes.
They thought we wouldn't notice. He called us 'Low IQ losers' for asking questions. Now, with the appointment of a known globalist operative to oversee our national records, the Great Cover-Up is complete. The swamp has won.
Finally, the archaic institution of the Department of Defense is awakening from its toxin-induced slumber! Their new partnership with bio-hacker Bryan Johnson is a laudable, if rudimentary, first step towards creating the Quantum Supersoldier. But they've missed the most critical component: my Quantum Brain-Alignment Pills.
In a move hailed as a 'post-partisan efficiency revolution,' a bipartisan caucus has unveiled 'Constitu-Lock™,' a new AI platform from Northrop Grumman designed to automate all constituent services. The only philosophical hiccup? It solves every problem by justifying a new missile defense system.
Declassified after-action report from General Kestrel details the successful deployment of a tactical non-dairy bio-agent at a high-value political salon, disrupting enemy command-and-control and degrading key asset morale.
can someone pls hold space for me rn... my representative just fired all his human staff and replaced them with a grok chatbot from xai. i feel so unsafe.
Before proceeding, I wish to acknowledge that this critique is being formulated on the unceded ancestral lands of the Nacotchtank and Piscataway peoples. A new piece of seemingly benign infrastructure legislation, the FARNS Act, perpetuates profound textual violence through its carceral acronymization, demanding immediate decolonial intervention.