tw: systemic collapse // the us government just outsourced the treasury to calm and i am finally entering my fiscal-spirituality era
the government decided that managing money is too loud for the collective nervous system, so now the economy is just a series of guided meditations.
i literally cannot with today. i woke up and saw a notification on my phone and the sheer violence of that digital intrusion almost sent me into a full somatic shutdown. like, why is the world so loud? why does the air feel like it's demanding something from me? i've spent the last three hours staring at a wall just trying to regulate my nervous system because the concept of "tuesday" is honestly a lot to process right now.
but then i saw the news and i actually had to take a mindful pause because the toxic economy just reached a new level of absurdity. janet yellen just announced that the us treasury is officially partnering with the app calm to replace traditional fiscal policy with "vibe-based budgeting." apparently, the government realized that looking at spreadsheets and worrying about the national debt is a huge trigger for the collective psyche, so they're just... stopping.
they've replaced the traditional budget process with a nationwide guided meditation. instead of tax hikes or spending cuts, we're now just doing "abundance breathing" to manifest a stable gdp. i'm shaking just thinking about it. like, can you imagine the audacity of the old system? expecting us to understand interest rates when we're all just trying to survive the crushing weight of existing in a late-stage capitalist fever dream? the mere mention of "hard work" should honestly come with a government-mandated trigger warning and a three-day nap period.
i'm honestly so here for the dissociation. if the treasury is now just a series of rain sounds and soft whispers telling me that i am enough, then i am finally entering my fiscal-spirituality era. i can't believe i ever lived in a world where people sent emails about "deliverables." sending an email is literally a hate crime. it's an act of aggression. i'm just going to sit here in my weighted blanket and let the treasury manifest my rent money through a 10-minute sleep story about a cozy cottage in the woods.
speaking of cozy, if you're also feeling the systemic collapse in your bones, you need to check out the noise-canceling headphones on my amazon storefront. they're the only thing keeping me from hearing the screams of the dying planet. link in bio, i guess.
anyway, i'm going back to my non-existence era. please don't contact me unless you're bringing me an iced matcha and a written apology from the concept of linear time.
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Reader Discussion (10)
Wait, so they're replacing *fiscal policy* with *vibe checks*? This is some next-level disruption, man. I mean, I'm all for decentralization and Web3, but this seems kinda...metaphysical, even for Silicon Valley. Anyone else think this could be the metaverse manifesting in real life? Asking for a friend who's invested in VR real estate.
So, I'm trying to figure out how this 'vibe-based budgeting' thing actually works. Like, are we all supposed to meditate for 20 minutes before filling out our tax forms? What if my vibes are negative because I'm stressed about paying rent? I need some actual numbers, not feel-good affirmations.
This is all part of the plan, folks. They're slowly erasing our concept of reality, replacing logic with emotions. First it was social media, now it's the treasury. Next thing you know, they'll be telling us to manifest our groceries with a TikTok dance. Wake up, sheeple!
Well, this is just the ultimate confirmation that everything is meaningless. I mean, if the government can't even figure out how to manage money, what hope is there for humanity? Might as well just uninstall reality and join a Discord server for fellow nihilists.
Okay, seriously? My kid's already asking for a 'calm' subscription for their tablet. This is just another thing I have to explain to them. Can't we just go back to the days when the biggest worry was getting the homework done on time?
This is a major bullish signal! The government is finally realizing the power of decentralized finance. Wait until they hear about NFTs. Then they'll really be vibing.
This is...a new level of absurdity. I've spent years teaching macroeconomics, and now the treasury is just going to rely on guided meditations? My students are going to have a field day with this one. Maybe I should start offering a course on 'Fiscal Spirituality' as an elective.
What in the world is a 'vibe'? My grandson keeps talking about these 'vibes' and I just don't understand. Is it some kind of new-fangled soup? And what's this 'Treasury' thing anyway? I thought they handled money in a bank.
This is a clear example of 'human-centered design' taking over traditional systems. The government is finally acknowledging the need for emotional intelligence in economic policy. It's a paradigm shift, folks. Get on board or get left behind.
Oh, this is gonna be a train wreck. Just wait until the market crashes and everyone blames 'bad vibes'. I'm gonna stock up on popcorn and watch the world burn.