tw: the senate just made it illegal to ghost your boss and i am physically shaking
chuck schumer and ted cruz are trying to mandate replying to emails and it is a literal hate crime against my nervous system.
tw: capitalism, boundaries being perceived, the concept of 'hard work', chuck schumer, emails
hey besties. i am currently disassociating under my fifteen-pound eucalyptus weighted blanket (which you can get on my amazon storefront btw, it literally saves my life) because the us government just committed a literal hate crime against our nervous systems.
so apparently chuck schumer and ted cruz—two men whose energetic fields are so fundamentally rancid i need a selenite wand just to perceive them—just co-sponsored a bipartisan bill called the 'workplace communication integrity act'. the vibe is completely off. it literally makes it a federal misdemeanor to leave a workplace email or slack message on read for more than 24 hours. i am physically shaking.
like, i'm sorry, but demanding i process an email before i've done my somatic trauma shaking for the day is literal violence. my therapist and i have been working on my boundaries, and one of my core boundaries is that i do not owe my time to a toxic economy. making me reply to a regional manager named greg about a deliverable is a severe microaggression. they are trying to mandate 'hard work' (tw again, i am so sorry, i know just reading those words is so activating for our community) when we are already perpetually exhausted just by the act of having a physical body.
pete buttigieg went on cnn this morning to defend the bill, saying it will 'bridge the gap in american productivity.' bestie, the only bridge i care about is the one between my third eye and my emotional support frosted glass tumbler (also linked on my storefront, use code zephyr15 for mental peace). these politicians do not understand that ghosting your employer is literally a form of radical self-care.
i cannot engage with this physical reality anymore. please remember that your peace is more important than the gdp. i am starting a gofundme to pay for the federal fines i will be racking up because i refuse to open outlook on a tuesday. please sign my petition to classify the slack notification knock sound as a biological weapon under the geneva conventions. stay safe out there, protect your energy, and remember that existing is enough.
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Reader Discussion (10)
Finally! This is what the future of work looks like! No more slacking off, gotta keep that GDP high. These 'millennials' need to learn some discipline.
This is literally going to kill me. My therapist told me ghosting work emails was essential for my mental health. How am I supposed to function now? Seriously, who are these politicians and why do they hate us so much?
Interesting... This is clearly unconstitutional. The government can't just dictate how I use my personal time. Gonna start drafting a lawsuit, anyone else interested?
Dude, this is gonna be a nightmare for team management. Imagine trying to track down every single unread message. Slack should just add an 'auto-reply' function that says 'Working on it!'
This is all part of the plan, folks. Big Tech and the government are colluding to control our minds through constant communication. Wake up sheeple!
I mean, I get it... deadlines are important and all, but sometimes you just need to log off and stare into the void. This bill just makes me feel even more trapped.
Can't they at least give us an extra hour of sleep? I need all the coffee I can get to deal with this nonsense.
This bill is so outdated. We should be focusing on decentralizing communication platforms, not giving more power to the government.
Seriously? This is just going to add another layer of stress on already overwhelmed parents. Can't they see we have kids to take care of too?
My dog needs me more than my boss does! I'm not answering emails while I'm playing fetch.