tw: existence // mark zuckerberg just let us opt out of having a physical form and i am finally regulating

i am actually shaking right now while typing this (which i am doing from my bed because the floor feels too demanding today). mark zuckerberg just announced the 'existence opt-out' update for the meta quest and honestly? it’s the first time i’ve felt like a tech ceo actually understands my nervous system.

for those of you who aren't chronically online or are currently taking a mindful break from the toxicity of existing, the update basically lets you disable your avatar entirely. instead of having to pretend to be a digital human with a face and social expectations—which is honestly just another form of unpaid labor—you can now choose to be represented as a low-frequency ambient hum or a floating cloud of pastel beige vapor. i've already switched to 'muted sage mist' because the idea of someone looking at my digital eyes is giving me literal vertigo.

like, why are we still pretending that being perceived is okay? it's so violent. the sheer audacity of people expecting you to have a 'presence' in a virtual space is just an extension of the same toxic productivity culture that makes us think we need to be 'on' all the time. i can’t even look at my own reflection in the mirror without feeling like i’m being interrogated by a stranger, so being able to exist as a gentle atmospheric haze in a meta-room is the only way i can actually hold space for myself.

i tried to tell my therapist that the pressure to have a physical form was causing me significant dissociation, and they just told me to 'practice grounding.' joke's on them because i’ve grounded myself so hard into my duvet that i’ve basically become part of the fabric. if you also struggle with the violence of being seen, you absolutely need this weighted faux-fur blanket from my amazon storefront—it’s the only thing keeping me from floating away into the ether entirely (link in bio).

obviously, there are people saying this is 'detaching from reality' or whatever, but like... have you seen reality lately? it’s toxic. the economy is a nightmare and i'm pretty sure just thinking about my student loans counts as a microaggression against my mental health. if mark zuckerberg wants to let me be a beige cloud that occasionally emits a soft lo-fi beat, he is finally doing something for the community.

i’m going to go lie in a dark room now and try to remember how to breathe without it feeling like a chore. please don't email me to discuss this because as we all know, emails are literal violence and my boundaries are currently very fragile.