the eu is finally getting therapy and i'm literally deceased
brussels is finally doing the work. they appointed a vibe curator to heal the bloc's 'collective trauma' and it's like, so validating for my own geopolitical anxiety.
feeling so seen rn. like, i was just doomscrolling through the absolute dumpster fire that is geopolitics, processing the immense emotional labor of just existing in this toxic late-capitalist timeline, when i saw the news that literally made me stop dissociating for a full minute.
the european union, in what is maybe the most validating move ever, has appointed philosopher alain de botton as the first-ever ‘high representative for union vibral integrity.’ his entire job is to, like, manage the vibes. i can't.
his first address was a live-streamed breathwork session where he diagnosed the eu as having a 'classic anxious-avoidant attachment style' with its member states, which is tbh so real. he said directives will now come with trigger warnings and that the eurozone has 'deep-seated scarcity trauma' that needs to be held in a safe space.
the goal, he explained, is to move the entire bloc away from 'performative productivity' and towards 'authentic sovereign expression.' he's already proposing replacing the 12 stars on the eu flag with 12 emojis that will be updated daily to reflect the collective mood, based on an analysis of national search-engine data. finland is apparently just the melting face emoji on a loop.
low-key, this is the only sane response to the chaotic energy radiating from, well, everywhere else. instead of, like, doing more capitalism, they're doing the work. it’s an unbelievable amount of pressure to even be a person right now, and holding space for 27 countries is a lot. i literally had to wrap myself in my favorite ynm weighted blanket (you can find it on my storefront, link in bio) just to process this news.
it's just, wow. to see a whole-ass institution acknowledge that the vibes are off is revolutionary. they're starting mandatory ‘non-violent communication’ workshops for all members of parliament and replacing formal debates with 'dialogue circles.' apparently, the first agenda item is just to collectively grieve the brexit breakup.
i'm so tired, but this gives me a tiny, fragile spark of something that isn't dread. now if you'll excuse me, i need to sip my 'peaceful slumber' tea (also linked!) and meditate on what this means for my personal brand as someone who is chronically overwhelmed by the state of the world.
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Reader Discussion (10)
This is the most ridiculous thing I've read all week. They're replacing actual policy with emojis? What a waste of time and resources. Just give me more silicon chips and faster internet, that's what will truly fix the world.
Honestly, this is kind of beautiful. The EU finally getting it! We need more spaces to acknowledge our feelings and work through collective trauma. Maybe we can learn a thing or two from them.
Sounds like the EU is finally embracing its inner teenager. Who knew replacing actual debates with 'dialogue circles' would solve everything? This must be what they call progress.
This is just another example of globalism pushing their socialist agenda. They want to control our thoughts and feelings with emojis! Wake up, sheeple!
This is insane! What about productivity? The EU needs to focus on economic growth, not emotional wellness. This 'vibe check' stuff will only slow them down.
The realization that the EU is experiencing existential dread like me is both comforting and terrifying. I wonder if they have a dedicated chatbot for processing these emotions?
I'm all for this! It's amazing to see the EU prioritizing mental health and well-being. We need more of this in the world. Namaste!
Back in my day, we didn't need all this fancy 'vibing' nonsense. We just worked hard, paid our taxes, and got on with it. This is just another example of how things have gone downhill.
The EU trying to control the 'vibes' of its citizens? That's downright Orwellian! Give me freedom, not forced happiness!
Can't wait for the EU flag to be a giant crying cat emoji. This is gonna be legendary.